Different friends would remember my birthday in a different year. Thank you all, whether you keeping my birthday in your calendars, or you starting being forgetful since some year. As for me, it seems that I become more and more reluctant to celebrate my birthday. No one wants to get old, do we? And I do need to apologize to my friends about forgetting their birthdays year by year.

I have to say, this birthday easily beat the past ones. I was shocked by what oz has prepared and especially the time and thoughts involved. I joked that I must have been the kindest person in my previous life, so that I could get to meet him in my current life. I am religiousless though.

During the past six months, I kept two journals, which hadn’t been posted here, when I felt disappointed at some point. Of course, I didn’t let oz know, and more importantly, I didn’t want those stuffs to reinforce or jeopardize anything. I knew for the most of time it was just my anxiety. However, I realize it’s always happening again and again, I am too concerned about what would happen and what has happened rather than what has been happening. Maybe I am born suspicious, or maybe I am lacking in a sense of security, that’s why I am always afraid of this or that, which might happen in particular. Luckily, oz seems to be assisting me to rebuild my confidence unconsciously. I could admit that I am happy much more easily, and I never feel this strongly I want to make another person happy.

Melbourne had hailstone that day, which was very rare plus coincidently on my birthday. I said to oz, I had experienced everything in one day, and bad weather would give place to a good one tomorrow. I do believe, no matter what would happen, it’s never gonna regret.

Keyboard From oz

There are four guys recently I’d like to make some comments on, oz, G, B, and C. oz is at my age more or less, the other three are old or middle aged men.

G is my new flatmate, an incredible Italian guy. Even though I just moved in only three days ago, I am really happy and relaxed with him. Still it’s hard for me to believe how lucky I am now. Or it’s too early to lead to this conclusion, lucky or unlucky. Anyway, I am happy, at least for now.

There’s something else which is also making me happy. Lol, probably, oz. I know that exactly, it’s very difficult for me to get attracted by someone. Whether it’s because I always have higher expectation on sb., or I myself is just a dumb, hard to tell. Whatever, I have to admit that I kinda like him, probably, or more than like. I couldn’t help wonderring, was I disappointed last night he only kissed on my cheek when he said good night right in front of my ear?

B is someone close to me. He said he loves me like a daughter, however, when he hugs me, I don’t feel comfortable, not at all!! Maybe I am still not used to this culture. Strange, is it? I told B about oz, after B got the idea that oz is Aussie, B got mad right in my face. His philosophy is Asian belongs to Asian, with which I also agree though, (even more precisely, my understanding is Chinese belongs to Chinese), and he almost shouted at me that why Aussie wants an Asian girl. During that, he said, “Herain, do u want to get hurt again?” I was shocked by that sentence. I did get hurt by that sentence though.

What i am doing now? I like to catch oz’s eyes when he smiles to me. I like his tone when he talks to me. I like his low-key, sophisticated n mature. I even liked he petted on my back when it was chilly yesterday. My friends should probably notice that I usually keep some distance with them, even with female friends. I looked backwards to those three times we went out alone so far, I thought he kinda likes me too, that’s why he kept asking me going out for the last three weeks. But right now, it seems that I am trying to persuade myself to believe that maybe he just likes me as a friend. Am I a coward? Am I scared by B’s words? It’s really weird.

On the other hand, C is exactly that kind of Aussie who wants to hit on Asian girls. (Alright, I have to admit that I still believe oz is different or kinda special for the time being, lol.) C is a regular customer at work. I have to say I’ve been so sick of his crap, how many houses he has got, how many cars he bought, blah, blah…I normally don’t give this kind of person a shit. I talk to u because I want to learn English. If you want to show off, if you are a poser, pls go ahead, none of my business. What makes me unbearable is that he actually targeted on me. How dare he is!! “Little He, with me soon yummy dinner 100% off, warm car as well, ps I hope u will”.  What could I say? What could I say! I would probably, but at least, yummy breakfast and lunch should be included!!!

Adult world is interesting and dodgy. I would become hilarious and ugly.